Call Stephen Hawking!

I've just proved the theory of multiple, parallel universes to be true!

Hello again,

Who would have thought a copywriter could answer once and for all one of the great imponderable questions of the cosmos? And who would have believed it would be so easy?

I'm sure you know the theory...

Every time something happens, when something else could have happened, both things actually occur and one universe carries on in one way while another carries on in another. Since these maybe/maybe not events happen all the time, new universes are constantly being created.

Although that doesn't give us an infinite number of universes, it does give us an awful lot!

It turns out that copywriting works in exactly the same way. And that's how I proved it to be incontrovertably true.

There I was, pondering on ideas for a headline, when I remembered I really should be saving every idea that came to me, rather than trying to pick a 'winner' straight off. And that the same thing applies to the opening paragraph of the sales letter. And every paragraph that follows. And every decision about how long or short, what benefit to focus on, how to frame the offer, etc, etc... Almost an infinite number of sales letter possibilities could be 'calved' from the original, in just the same way as universes are 'calved' from one original universe.

Now, whether you believe in a 'creator' or 'designer' on a cosmological level, it's probably just as well there is such a thing as a 'creative' or copywriter, in the salesletter cosmos, or we could be here forever, trying to decide.

So, if God exists, do you think he ever has trouble deciding which universe to pick? Or maybe we're all part of one giant, multivariant split test!

Roy Everitt, Writing For Results

If I Read it in The Papers...

...It must be true.

Apparently, there's a depression on the way. 'Everyone' is saying as much, so I guess it will happen, even if it wasn't going to before.

Sometimes, I think 'everyone' just gets a bit bored with doing okay from time to time...

But anyway, there's a recession on the way and it's great news.

Not for everyone, it's true. But for me, and for you, if we both play it smart.

Because the business I'm in thrives on difficult times and competition and even a shortage of cash. If that sounds counter-intuitive then you may be a marketing executive or the head of a company that's about to 'pull in its horns' in a vain attempt to ride out the recession.

I was born in the 1950's and, although the war was long over, the UK was still deep in debt as a result of it. The UK economy was struggling and a lot of prewar companies didn't survive.

Some, though, thrived.

Mysterious, eh? Some kind of conspiracy? Not really. The companies that thrived during the most difficult periods of the last hundred years (it was much the same in the decade or so after the first war) were the ones who invested in marketing, in a big way. Pretty much all the household names of the fifties and sixties became household names because they advertised - on commercial television, in newspapers and magazines and on commercial radio (mostly 'pirate' stations in the UK back then).

Their goods weren't cheaper and they weren't better - they were just there.

And most of them survived, while the firms who drew in their horns and tried to ride it out, very often didn't.

And, as marketing people, we owe it to our clients to remind them of the lessons of history. When there's a squeeze on, and money is tight, we all tend to spend it on the products that are most visible, and not on the ones that seem to disappear. If there are two items to choose from, we'll choose the one that's put in front of us.

For us, there's a simple lesson:

you must market yourself hard and persuade your clients to do the same. If they want to not just survive the recession, but thrive in it, they must out-sell the competition. Persuade them of that and, for you and your clients, the boom times are here!

Roy Everitt, Writing For Results

Blame Dating Direct...

... and Jon McCulloch for this post.

I'm unashamedly borrowing from Jon's excellent newsletter today because he reminded me of an analogy I'd almost totally forgotten.

Now, Jon not only writes a mean newsletter and blog (at http://www.jonmcculloch.com/), he is also a damn fine copywriter, although you probably can't afford him.

He'd say you can't afford not to hire him, but then he's very picky whom he works with and has a long waiting list, so the point is moot, you might say.

Anyway, Jon met his partner Sarah through an online dating site, and I met my wife Jacqui the same way.

Jon's point, to get to the point, is that when you post your profile on a site like Dating Direct, or any of the dozens of others, the last thing you'd think to lead with is your name, unless you're Brad Pitt, or Angelina Jolie, perhaps. I can't say I ever encountered either of them advertising on a dating site...

And yet, so many company websites begin in just that way - with their name in the headline. As Jon points out, a company website is really just a commercial version of a lonely hearts ad - where the sole purpose is to persuade likely mates to contact us, or leave us their contact details so we can do the 'chasing'. From there, we'd hope to build a relationship with the ones we like.

Put that way, it's obvious why so many apparently excellent company web sites and sales letters fail. No one wants to know your name - they want to know who you are (which is a different thing) and what you have to offer them.

Names don't come into it until you choose to say 'Hello'.

I've no idea if Jacqui would have fallen for the name 'Roy', or if Sarah would have been bowled over by 'Jonathan'.

But both Jon and I can feel pretty chuffed that we got those particular pieces of 'sales copy' spot on!

Roy Everitt, Writing For Results